Everything is Going to Crash and Break
by Windpower
Summary: A wedding invitation forces Gary to come to terms with his own feelings and return to Pallet Town. Palletshipping - on hiatus
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Such an overused plot. But this plot has a special place within my heart. This fic is inspired by TechnoRanma's Impossible. I haven't read it in years, but I've kinda memorized every sentence, poetic turn etc. so it's not strange if they're somewhat similar. This is an unbeta'd first chapter. I have very few ideas about where I'm going with this. I dunno when I'll update next. Exams are coming up.

* * *

It had been years and years since he last saw Ash. So that a drastic change in Ash's life were about to happen shouldn't have surprised him that much. But it did.

Gary stared down at the white, fancy card in his hands. He'd been staring at it for a few minutes.

_Dear Gary,_

_You are invited to the wedding between Ash and Misty_

Between Ash and Misty?

Gary couldn't comprehend the thought. In his first few minutes of shock his first thoughts had been _why Misty?_

Why Misty?

* * *

My first feelings when I first saw the letter was happiness. People hardly send letters anymore, and why anyone would bother to send a letter to me I didn't know. The handwriting on the envelope was elegant and swift. I guessed it was a woman's. The envelope contained a letter and a formal card. I chose to read the card first.

* * *

_Why Misty? _

Why _her?_

I know I have to bite the bullet. I know the question I really should be asking is: _Why didn't he marry her sooner?_

She is his oldest and best friend after all.

If you don't count me.

After all this years, I'm sure I'm not considered the best friend anymore. Maybe not even the oldest friend. I knew him first, that's true. But I'm not sure if he considers me his friend at all.

* * *

Gary swallowed and noticed his throat was completely dry. He drew a shaky breath. For a full five minutes he hadn't moved. He looked at the card again.

The wedding is a month from now.

He squeezed his eyes shut for a few seconds. And opened them again.

The card is signed with both Misty's and Ash's name. But the signature is printed. They didn't bother to sign each card individually. Even his name is printed.

But then there's the letter.

The paper is thin, and Gary notices that his hands are shaking. Just a little. But, they are shaking.

The letter is handwritten and Gary recognizes the handwriting right away. It's come to the point where he has memorized Ash's handwriting, anything he'd ever written in fact, that be both mail or letter.

Ash asked him to come home to Pallet Town now. A month before the wedding.

In clear words it said:

_I miss you_

Gary knows he has no choice.

Even if he hadn't made the stupid promise to him years ago, he still would have come.

One last chance to see Ash.

One last chance to tell him everything before it's too late.

* * *

I don't know when I fell in love with Ash. It's so many years ago. I was always eager to meet him when I was traveling to become a pokémon master. When we decided to put aside our rivalry and become friends again, I was so happy. I guess I was in love with him already then.  
I know when I realized it. It was one of the nights when I was traveling. I remember that I was sleeping under the open sky. Umbreon was with me. And I was dreaming. It was a simple dream. Ash was there. And he looked at me. He kept looking. And then he smiled. I don't know why or I don't know how, but when I woke up I knew that Ash was what I wanted.  
That was ten years ago. Ten years is a long time to love somebody. One sided love. It's killing me. I haven't seen Ash in five years. He knows where I live and I know where he lives. And yet, I have been avoiding him. Whenever he wanted to visit I told him that I was too busy with my research. I avoided Pallet Town during holidays. After a few years he gave up trying.  
I told myself that it's best this way. I know it's not the best for him. He must be so mad at me for breaking all contact. I was selfish. I thought that I would give up on loving him if we were apart for long enough. I never asked to be gay. Even till this day I wish it could just go away. I can't justify what I'm about to do now either. Is it because he says he misses me that I'm going back? Clinging to a false hope? On the inside I know it's no use. He's getting _married_ after all.

I have to see him one last time.

One last time, before he's lost from me forever.

* * *

"It's wonderful to see you again, Gary," professor Oak said, smiling.

"Same to you, granddad," Gary said and reached for his cup of tea.

"It's been way too long since your last visit," the professor said looking at Gary. "It must be two years at least."

Gary agreed. "It is two years this autumn," he said while sipping his tea. "I'm sorry that I postponed the visit for so long. I've just been extremely busy with my research."

"Ah, yes," Oak laughed. "I'm glad Tracy is still working with me. I don't know how I could have survived without anyone to help me take care of all this pokémon."

Gary felt a pang of guilt running through him. "I'm really sorry. You could have asked me to stay and help you." It was a scenario Gary was sure would never happen, so he felt comfortable offering it. With Gary's career at top, Samuel would never ask such a favor of his grandson.

"Don't worry about it, Gary," Oak said, laughing. "I'm doing just fine."

Gary sipped his tea and looked around the room. It was the same as always.

"So, you came back for Ash's wedding?"

Gary flinched at those words. "Uh, yeah. I received a letter from him, asking me to come." Gary scratched the back of his head, trying not to look embarrassed. "He is… Well, used to at least, to be my best friend."

Professor Oak couldn't help the sad words that rolled up in the back of his mind. _You don't have many friends, do you, Gary?_

"I'll have to visit him, sooner or later," Gary sighed.

"Sooner or later? Wasn't this the reason for your return?" Samuel asked surprised.

"Yes, but let's just say that I'm not especially thrilled to be back for his _wedding_."

Professor Oak clearly heard the emphasis on the last word. He laughed. "Don't worry, Gary. You know Misty. She's a wonderful girl. And a wonderful pokémon trainer too."

Gary squeezed his eyes shut. He didn't want to hear anything about Misty. He knew what Professor Oak said was true. But he didn't want to hear it.

"You OK, Gary?" Samuel asked concerned.

"Yes, sorry," Gary said. "I'm just a bit tired. And worried."

"I can see why," Oak smiled. "Ash's settling down. And when he's only twenty-five. It's a huge step."

Gary nodded softly. Samuel looked at his grandson. He looked exhausted. "You can go to bed if you like," he said. "I know it's the middle of the day, but it looks like you need a few hours sleep."

Sleeping didn't come easy to Gary. Sleeping in the middle of the day was even worse.  
Not bothering to undress he fell on the bed and put his arm in front of his eyes. Thoughts of Ash filled his mind. He was less than five minutes away, if he could just work up the courage to go there. Gary groaned and white spots filled his eyes as his eyelids became exposed to the sunlight when he moved his arm.

_I did not come here to be a coward._

Still, he couldn't deny the fact that he was tired. Maybe if he slept for two hours or so. The noise from the pokémon outside annoyed him so he put on his mp3 player and let the music wash over him. Desperately, trying to sleep, Gary put his arm in front his eyes again. His insides wouldn't stop twisting. He felt sick.

Gary didn't remember anything else before he suddenly sat right up in bed, realizing that he _was_ sick. He rushed to the bathroom.

_I haven't eaten in a while. Am I really that nervous?_

Walking downstairs, he glanced at the clock. He'd slept for an hour.  
Gary walked over to the lab and found his granddad in the middle of feeding some of the pokémon with help from Tracy. Gary nodded to him and Tracy greeted him back.

"I think I'll head over to Ash now," Gary said. _Stop feeling like you want to throw up._

"Say hello to him and his mother for me, will you?" Professor Oak asked. "And Misty too, if she's there."

Gary froze with an undefined grimace on his face.

"You all right?" Tracy asked.

Gary forced a smile. "Uh, yeah. Thanks for asking Tracy. I just bit my tongue."

Tracy raised his eyebrows, but let it go.

Gary breathed in heavily,"See you later."

* * *

Why? Why do I feel so nervous? I should be happy. I'm going to see Ash again. I know the scenario isn't ideal. Dear god, I hope he doesn't hate me. I can't blame him for being mad. I'm mad at myself constantly. I never should have broken contact. I should have told him how I felt. Maybe everything would have been different. Because _he misses me_. Ash would never lie.  
Then, why do I feel so sick? Is all the self loathing finally catching up with me? I need to concentrate. I _am_ looking forward to see him again. If he's mad at me, I guess I'll figure that out soon.  
Don't turn back. He said he did miss me. Just keep walking.

_You need to see him. You need to know if it's true._

Don't give in. 

_You can do this. You love him after all…_

_

* * *

_

Gary stood in front of Ash's house.

_Just knock the door. _

_Just knock._

_He invited you._

_It's not like you're a young girl._

_You shouldn't be afraid._

_Just knock, Gary. _

He knocked. After a few seconds he heard someone move behind the door. Gary swallowed. Too late to turn back now. The door swung open. And all of Gary's thoughts seemed to crash and break. There he was. Ash. All the self loathing, the fear suddenly didn't matter, for there he stood. Ash was still the same. He looked a bit older than he'd looked at twenty, but apart from that, he was the same. His black hair was still messy and he was still as tall as he'd always been.

They stared at each other for a few seconds. Gary felt himself getting dizzy. How long hadn't he dreamt about seeing Ash again? How deep hadn't he longed for this moment? And now that it was here, he was afraid to do as much as blink, afraid that everything would turn out to be a dream.

_How I love you…_

Ash was the one to break the silence. Softly, he said "Gary?"

Gary felt his throat growing tight and managed to whisper out "Yes. Yes, it's me."

As Ash threw himself at him, Gary's entire world seemed to crumble. It didn't matter that they hadn't talked in years. It didn't matter that he'd caused both Ash and himself pain. It didn't matter that Ash was getting married in less than a month.

For he was here with Ash. And Ash was hugging him like his life depended on it.

Everything was going to be all right.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** It's official! I procrastinate sleeping! Also, the Black and White starters look ridiculous… I realized that I have no idea how to write grown-up people. If being 25 is pretty much the same as being 20, then I guess I'm doing ok. Reviews makes me a happy panda :3

* * *

I was only fifteen when I realized that I was in love with Ash. I'm glad we weren't near each other when I found out.

_I would have been so mean towards him_.

I hated him; although the person I really hated was myself. I don't know how long I was in denial. Maybe three months. Maybe more.  
Then I bumped into him again. I had sworn to just ignore my feelings, but when I saw him again, every thought, every angry feeling disappeared.  
I couldn't help that I felt a warm, exciting feeling rolling up through me when I saw him. When I said something funny and he laughed, it felt like thousands and thousands of butterflies were fluttering in my stomach.  
And what I couldn't help most was the feeling of that I just should give up, surrender, and join him on _his_ quest to become a pokémon master. It was like my mind was saying:

_Face it, Gary. Being a master never was your dream. Join Ash. You will be happy traveling with him. _

I followed the advice to some extent. I gave up on being a master.

* * *

Gary brought his arms up to hug Ash back. He felt amazing. Ash's chin was squeezed against his own and he felt a foreign breath on his ear and hair tickling his face. He never wanted it to end. Unfortunately Ash pulled back after a few seconds, but he kept his hands on Gary's shoulders.

"Wow," he said, a bit out of breath. "I never thought you'd actually show up."

Gary kept staring at Ash while he said "I got your letter."

Ash nodded to this and grinned softly. His eyes ran up and down Gary's form.

"You haven't changed much."

"Neither have you."

Gary swallowed as the silence rolled over to something that could be described as awkward, but Ash decided to ignore it.

"Come in!" He said, eyes glowing. He stepped inside and Gary followed.

Stepping inside, Gary noticed that nothing had changed. It was exactly like it used to be when he was a kid and came over for visits.

_It must have been like this for twenty years at least._

"So Gary, how are you been? Busy, I guess? How's your research coming along?" Ash chatted happily while he leaned against the door frame.

"Everything's fine," Gary smiled while he took of his shoes. "Research is coming along nicely; it's just a lot to do."

"I can imagine," Ash nodded. "At least you're doing something exciting. It's pretty dull over here."

Gary raised his eyebrows. "Aren't you getting married?"

"Uh, yeah," Ash said looking uncomfortable. "But it's not very exciting." He shrugged. "Neither Misty or me are really into this big, fancy wedding, but when she told her sisters they kinda insisted. Also my mom is really excited about all the shopping she'll get to do."

Gary eyed Ash carefully. Truth be told, he didn't look very happy. At that moment Brock came into the hallway.

"I wondered who came," he smiled. "Hey Gary."

"Yo," Gary said, raising his hand a little.

A silence rolled over them.

"So," Gary said a bit uncomfortable. "Marriage…"

Brock laughed. "Don't take this the wrong way, Ash, but I always figured you were the one to get married last."

Ash punched his arm, "What is that supposed to mean?"

"You were always really oblivious when women expressed interest in you."

Ash snorted. "That was a long time ago."

"I have to disagree. Just yesterday when we were out taking a beer, you had no idea what was going on when that woman came up and flirted with you. I was the one that had to tell her you were getting married."

Ash made a face and Gary laughed.

Ash rubbed his hands together. "So, uh, do you want something to drink?"

"I'll take a soda," Brock grinned.

"I was asking Gary."

"Come on," Brock said, trying to look hurt. "You can't even pick up a soda for your best buddy?"

Ash rolled his eyes.

"I'll just take water," Gary smiled.

Ash went into the kitchen and Brock and Gary moved into the living room.

"Hi there, Pikachu," Gary smiled and patted his ears. He was sitting on the table, staring curiously at him. "Remember me? You used to want to battle my pokémon all the time."

"Pika?"

"You remember _Gary_, don't you, Pikachu?" Ash asked as he handed Gary a glass of water. "Maybe if he saw your Umbreon he would remember."

"Umbreon is with Professor Oak right now," Gary said while taking a sip. "I'll bring her over next time I'm visiting."

"Speaking of visiting," Brock said while he stretched out on the couch. "Where's your mom and Misty, Ash? I haven't seen them since I came over."

"Oh, they went to Celadon City to do some shopping. It's a long way but Misty's sisters really wanted to join them." Ash grimaced. "I'm just happy I didn't have to come. When I'm going shopping I hope that you two will help me. I refuse to go shopping with the maniacs." He shuddered.

Gary smirked, but he couldn't help the thoughts that rolled over him. _Just him and Ash going shopping, alone. Ash showing off all the clothes he tried on. Ash can't get off his sweater so Gary must come into the changing room with him to help him take it off – _

_Stop it. _

Gary shook his head trying to get rid of the thoughts. Both Ash and Brock were oblivious to his inner struggle.

"So when're they coming back?" Brock asked.

"Late, tonight I guess," Ash said while scratching Pikachu's head. "You guys wanna do something?"

"'Something' is very little specific, Ash," Gary said while still patting Pikachu's ears. He couldn't help looking down at how close his hand was to Ash's.

"Watching old footage from pokémon battles?"

"Sounds utterly boring," Gary smirked.

"Oh shut it. You know you like to watch me battle."

"You wish," but Gary couldn't help his heart pounding in his chest.

_How fast we go back into our old ways. It's like we never were apart at all…_

_

* * *

_I always liked to watch Ash battle. He always looked so _intense_ when he did it. It was like his eyes were on fire.  
When I lost against him in the Silver Conference I couldn't bring myself to mope over the loss.

I wasn't sad. I was happy.

Happy that I had lost against Ash and no one else. It was at that time I started considering giving up on becoming a pokémon master.  
If it would ever come to the point where it was only Ash and I against each other, battling to become the master, I could never have won. I never had his fighting spirit. I had my self-esteem and cockiness and it got me a long way, but I will never be able to beat Ash when it matters the most.

"Since you're back, how about a match?" Ash asks me.

_I would like that very much._

I know that I'll lose. But it doesn't matter. Because when we battle there's only him and me. And nothing else in the world matters.

* * *

"It was a great match," Brock grinned after they finished watching Ash and Gary's battle in the Silver Conference.

Ash grinned. "I still can't believe I won that one. I was _this_ close to losing." He held up this thumb and index finger with no space between them.

Gary smiled. "What can I say, Ash? You're a good trainer."

"Thanks, Gary. It means a lot to hear you say that."

"So what happened to becoming the very best anyway?" Gary asked.

"It's put on hold," Ash mumbled.

"So after you're married then?"

"I don't know," Ash said while he took the DVD out of the player. "I don't think that Misty want to travel."

Brock interrupted: "And Ash has already been offered a position as Gym Leader in Viridian City."

"Yeah," Ash nodded. "I'm kinda thinking about accepting. It's not far from Pallet and both Brock and Misty's sisters won't be far away."

Gary didn't believe what he was hearing. "I thought it was your dream, Ash," he said softly.

"It is," Ash stated firmly. "It'll just have to wait for a while."

* * *

Ash is giving up? I don't understand. I thought that nothing would ever make him quit trying to become a pokémon master. Is it Misty's fault? Did she convince him to stop?

I can blame her, but I know it's not the truth. She probably knows, even better than me, how important the quest is to him. Or was. To me it looks like he has quit. The 'putting on hold' is just bullshit.

When I ask him about how his training is coming along, he tells me that he hasn't trained in a while. It's true, I can see it on his Pikachu. Sure, Pikachu has grown older too, but he's much slower than he could have been.

Ash yawns and says that he has little interest in battling these days. I wonder how that's going to work if he becomes a Gym Leader.

But you challenged me to a battle, Ash. Why?


End file.
